I’ve got a crazy idea… Be a teacher.

I am totally kidding. Being a teacher is the best thing that I could have ever learned to be in my life. I love learning, now. And I love teaching.

When I got to college, I thought I wanted to study biology until I fell in love with this class I took called Education Psychology, so I started taking education classes and then I also took Psych 101. Honestly I think it was the teacher that I admired the most about the class. She made it fun, and she made it interesting. She was passionate about her students growth. It was cool. I wanted to do that for people.

At first, it felt like a different language. It took me a long time to understand Education and all the work that comes with it. In college, I heard multiple times from so many different people that Education is for those who don’t have the brains for something harder. I ended up believing that about me. I couldn’t handle Biology classes so I just turned to Education. I believed the lie, the enemy, the people.

Let me take you back a year or three to when I was in high school. I could even go back to middle school actually. I distinctly remember a teacher calling on me because I had my hand up and her saying, “That is enough stupid questions from you.” I will never forget it. It hit me hard and I felt really small in that moment. Really small. It took that and few other comments from adults and other people in my life to really believe that I was stupid. And as you know by now, that’s a thought that I have carried my entire life.

One of my goals as a teacher is to create a safe space for students to learn and make mistakes. I want them to know that when they make mistakes, they can grow in that moment if they choose to. But most importantly, that they feel safe enough to do so. It’s really that simple. I mean, obviously I love teaching the subjects, watching kids learn how to read and develop confidence in themselves. I love a lot about it.

Also, there really aren’t any stupid questions… most of the time.

Let me tell you how I got to where I am today in the teaching world:

I started off volunteering at place where adults come for the day and we plan out activities for them to do. These activities help with social, motor, communication, and physical skills. I volunteered, interned, and worked there. I loved helping others see the beauty in themselves, especially those with special needs. I then took an interim class my first year in college, during the month of January, where I went to schools and just acted as a teachers aid and observed the teacher and the interactions between students and teachers. It was really neat, and I loved the atmosphere. I wanted to be like some of these teachers. I knew this was something that I could be passionate about.

After that month, I really got into some drugs. I started smoking weed every day, taking pills, and going to classes high. I did that all through the next two years. My senior year I went to do some student teaching in Ghana, Africa. This was my second time visiting Africa with my school. On the way to Ghana, in January 2014, I got violently ill. I was throwing up every five minutes it seemed like. Our flight got delayed and I slept on the airport floor with a bunch of other future teachers and college junior and seniors. Someone continued to feed me nausea medicine that would knock me out. Every time I woke up I would puke. I was so dehydrated and so sick that when we got there I don’t even remember getting into the bed I was in when I woke up like a whole day later. They took me to the hospital. IN AFRICA. And I got five bags of fluids. They wanted to send me home, but I refused to let that happen. So I eventually made it and taught there for a few weeks. The most important thing I learned in Ghana was the importance of human connection, and how important kindness it.

Ok, I am rambling.

A couple years go by; I did some nontraditional teaching in a residential teenage girl’s program. It’s 2016 and my drug use spikes to an all time high. I am fiercely taking Xanax, smoking weed, showing up late to work, and hurting the people close to me. Somehow I got a job in the public school system that year. I still to this day feel like I should have never been allowed to have that job. It was the only thing that kept me from killing myself that year. I was teaching 3rd grade and I just fell in love with teaching. Even though I was killing it, doing well with my job, (most of the time) I was still getting high and drinking every single night. It started with a couple glasses of wine a night, and then it ended with a bottle and a half plus a pack of cigarettes. And of course I was then going on drug runs on weekends, then week nights, then every other day because I couldn’t go without. And then I got arrested on the night of December 26, 2016. Oh what a night, haha.

So, I lied to my principal, and didn’t tell the school system that I had been arrested and charged with a misdemeanor. I was charged with possession of prescription pills. That night I was so high I barely remember the part between getting pulled over, and then arriving at the police station. I was able to finish out the school year without them noticing that I had been in trouble with the law.

At the end of the year, when I was pink slipped, let go, I wanted to blame everyone but myself. I thought my teaching career was over because it was out that I was a drug addict, and I was going to treatment that summer. I did, I went twice actually before I began teaching again. It took about two years of working random little jobs, staying sober to the best of my ability, and just doing the next right thing. It worked. I finally got a teaching job, and this will be my second year in a row as a third grade teacher at my school.

WOW.

WOW.

WOW.

I am beyond grateful for my life today. I am beyond grateful I never gave up on my dreams of being a teacher.

This next year will bring challenges that I will learn to face as they come. I am going to be teaching remotely and I will be glad when I can add “Remote Teacher” to my resume!

Thanks for sticking with me on this one. I know it was a little more boring than the others, but I am grateful to be here today and to be writing about something I love.

Now, I am gonna go eat ice cream.