death sucks

This. This right here. This is Laurie.

I can’t tell you every little thing about Laurie that I want to because that would take all day and I would never finish. I want you to know her though, and what better way to do that than to let you hear it from others. I asked some of Laurie’s closest friends to describe her, or tell me their favorite thing about her. So this blog post is written by more than just me.

McKenzie said, “My favorite thing about Laurie might sound dumb but my favorite thing about her and the thing I miss THE MOST about her is her laugh. Her laugh was contagious. Her laugh put a smile on my face. Her laugh made me laugh. She was so god damn funny and full of life. Her laugh filled the space and changed the energy in a room. Her laugh was comforting and familiar. It was warm. When I close my eyes, I can still hear her voice and that god damn deep belly laugh. You know the one. The one that if it went on for too long she’s start wheezing and pee her pants a little- that one!”

Jamie said, “Laurie’s joy for life and her beautiful and loving heart. I’ll never forget the last day I saw her, just four days before she died. She was radiating. She gave me the biggest hug and we sat down and talked about how happy she was in that moment. I want to be like Laurie, fully present and making everlasting connections with people through a joy for life.”.

This next picture captures Laurie and her spirit so perfectly. I miss her smile, and her laugh.

The water was her happy place. I believe it is where she felt most free. Laurie was a fucking miracle, y’all. She brightened up every single room she walked into. Her love was unconditional. She was free from the bondage of addiction when she died. She was happy when she died. Isn’t that what we all want? Happiness? Laurie’s happiness was contagious, and I really miss her.

I love how Amanda described her. She wrote, “Laurie was wild! Her outlandish Northern accent, her passion for the Floridian sun and surf, her penchant for Starbucks coffee and her incessant need to get the perfect picture, were just some of the characteristics of this wonderful person who bounded into our lives.  With every belly laugh, goofy selfie, and endless conversation, she was teaching me to squeeze every infinitesimal drop of life and sweetness from each minute we could grasp our hands on. She was the big sister I always wished I had. She taught me how to live and love in greater measures than I could ever have dreamed.”

Kari shared, “I’ll tell you a story, so when I was doing my dive training, on our first dive I had a panic attack, freaked out. I ended up going back in and finishing the dive but I felt so discouraged afterwards. It was at vortex. I called Laurie on the way home and talk with the the whole way home. She was so encouraging and talked me through it. I literally talked to her everyday after that until she died. We would talk about life, recovery, our struggles. Sometimes she was struggling, sometimes I was but she was always there for me and NEVER judged me. She loved unconditionally.”

I keep having to throw in pictures because it’s easy to smile when you see her smile. As I write this post I keep thinking about how fearlessly she loved people. It was amazing. Like, she had no judgement, none. The only person she ever judged was herself, but she even stopped doing that just before she left us. She was beginning to treat herself like the queen she actually was. She started loving herself like she loved others. One of the guys in the pictures above was named Bo. He went to treatment with a few of us. He was one of Laurie’s very best friends. When he passed away, suddenly, Laurie was devastated. But instead of laying around, throwing a pity party, and not being useful, she honored her sadness and heartache and then turned it into something productive. For example, she called others, talked to his friends and family, and found anywhere that she could either be of service or just useful somewhere and in some way. I miss her positivity and relentless urge to lead and live a super awesome, adventure-filled life.

Cassie said, “Laurie and I met on July 4th, 2018. I was always so timid when it came to meeting new people. Especially, women. Laurie made it so easy, though. The first thing I noticed about Laurie was her thick Boston accent that I can still hear today, but the second thing I noticed was how vibrant and personable she was. I felt like I had known her for years. We laughed until we cried and there was a sense of ease when I was around her. I miss her big smile and passionate hugs. She lives in my heart forever.”

Hanging out with friends was Laurie’s ultimate goal daily. She was always running around. She never stopped. She was hanging out with you here, helping someone else there, and then driving across town to go get coffee and attend a meeting. She was so loyal to her friends, never letting them down. Everyone I have reached out to this week to get their words and thoughts on Laurie mentioned her being so unconditional with her love. Also, she was the least judgmental person on this planet which I am pretty sure I already said.

Laurie- I miss you so much. Thank you for being such a good person and a joy to be around. I love you and I hope I see you again. Fly high, my friend.